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Rikki Rockett

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Hell Mask

When I began my cancer journey, I was told that I would receive radiation 37 times over two and half months. Every day I would don a mask, have it screwed to a metal table and lay there while a machine hovered over me delivering what might save my life, but would undoubtably change me forever. The radiation did not save me. Nor did the chemo. I have permanent changes in my neck and throat. My salivary glands will never be the same and every time I take a bite of food it's a little adventure.

Seven years later I reflect on those days, not that long ago. I was scared, helpless yet full of hope. This mask represents the literal hell that those treatments were. Still, it was my job everyday to go there, so I made myself look as good as I could so I could remind myself not to give up. The mask is both ugly and beautiful because it represents my triumph as a person, yet its failure to do its job and its ruthless and torturous beating. I didn't fail it, it failed me. It also reminds me, there is always another path. Don't be afraid to take it. Here I am.